Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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