it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm like, not good at living.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
