Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
