I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
