my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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