I just threw up on my dentist
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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