also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
