he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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