i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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