Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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