I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
