go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
