i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
