Acid is not a monday night drug
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
