My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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