Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize