I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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