Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
