I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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