remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize