I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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