Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
