Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize