I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think my moral compass just broke
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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