This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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