I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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