so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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