I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
