You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
