hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
