Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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