My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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