I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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