Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
