At least make sure they are 18
Why
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
