Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
