WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
