he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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