I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
