Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
