I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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