You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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