i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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