I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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