is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
