take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
