i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
