mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
