Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
