just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
