I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
