So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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