ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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