We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
