I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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