"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
