she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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