You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
