She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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