i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
