did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
