I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
