just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
